Health Services

Am I Supposed to Feel This Way?
Whether you're a man or a woman, sexual assault is a trauma. The trauma of sexual assault involves losing control of your own body and possibly fearing death or injury. There are certain ways that human beings react to trauma that are the same for men and women. "Rape trauma syndrome" is a term that mental health professionals use to describe the common reactions that occur for both men and women after sexual assault. "Rape trauma syndrome" is not an illness or abnormal reaction -- it is a normal reaction to an abnormal, traumatic event.

Below is a checklist of common reactions to sexual assault. Though each person and situation is unique, this checklist will help you to know the range of reactions that are normal to expect. Of course, there are also ways that men are affected differently than women by sexual assault. Following the list of universal reactions to sexual assault, we'll delve into some of the reactions to sexual assault that are more unique to men.

• Get support from friends and family-- try to identify people you trust to validate your feelings.
• Spend time with people who know your strengths and positive qualities.
• Try not to isolate yourself.
• Talk about the assault and express feelings -- you can choose when, where, and with whom. You can also decide how much or how little to talk about.
• Use stress reduction techniques -- hard exercise like walking, jogging, biking, swimming, weight-lifting; relaxation techniques like yoga, massage, music, prayer and/or meditation.
• Maintain a balanced diet and sleep cycle and avoid overusing caffeine, sugar, nicotine, alcohol or other drugs.
• Take "time outs." Give yourself permission to take quiet moments to reflect, relax and rejuvenate -- especially during times you feel stressed or unsafe.
• Try reading. Reading can be a relaxing, healing activity. Try to find short periods of uninterrupted leisure reading time.
• Consider writing or journaling as a way of expressing thoughts and feelings.
• Release some of the hurt and anger in a healthy way: Write a letter about how you feel about what happened to you. Be as specific as you can. You also can draw pictures about the anger or hurt you feel as a way of releasing the emotional pain.
• Remember you are safe, even if you don't feel it. The assault is over. It may take longer than you'd like, but you will feel better.
• Get into counseling. The EKU Counseling and Center is here for you. You paid for your services when you paid tuition so take advantage of them.

• Emotional Shock: I feel numb. How can I be so calm? Why can't I cry?
• Disbelief and/or Denial: Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I just imagined it. It wasn't really rape.
• Embarrassment: What will people think? I can't tell my family or friends.
• Shame: I feel completely filthy, like there's something wrong with me. I can't get clean.
• Guilt: I feel as if it's my fault, or I should've been able to stop it. If only I had...
• Depression: How am I gonna get through the semester? I'm so tired! I feel so hopeless. Maybe I'd be better off dead
• Powerlessness: Will I ever feel in control again?
• Disorientation: I don't even know what day it is, or what class I'm supposed to be in. I keep forgetting things.
• Flashbacks: I'm still re-living the assault! I keep seeing that face and feeling like it's happening all over again.
• Fear: I'm scared of everything. What if I have herpes or AIDS? I can't sleep because I'll have nightmares. I'm afraid to go out. I'm afraid to be alone.
• Anxiety: I'm having panic attacks. I can't breathe! I can't stop shaking. I feel overwhelmed.
• Anger: I feel like killing the person who attacked me!
• Physical Stress: My stomach (or head or back) aches all the time. I feel jittery and don't feel like eating.

It is important for you to know that your reactions are normal and temporary reactions to an abnormal event. The fear and confusion will lessen with time, but the trauma may disrupt your life for awhile. You may experience any or all of the reactions on the last few pages. Some reactions may be triggered by people, places or things connected to the assault, while other reactions may seem to come from "out of the blue." Remember that no matter how much difficulty you're having dealing with the assault, it does not mean you're "going crazy" or becoming "mentally ill." Talking about the assault will help you feel better, but may also be really hard to do. In fact, it's common to want to avoid conversations and situations that may remind you of the assault. You may have a sense of wanting to "get on with life" and "let the past be the past." This is a normal part of the recovery process and may last for weeks or months.

Eventually you will need to deal with your feelings in order to heal and regain a sense of control over your life. Talking with someone who can listen and understand -- whether it's a friend, family member, hotline counselor or therapist -- is a key part of this process.

It's important to understand that you may not be able to function at 100% capacity for a while following a major trauma like sexual assault. You may have problems concentrating or remembering things and may feel tired or edgy. You may also take longer to recover from everyday stresses, kinda like when you go back to work or school too early after having the flu. Don't be too hard on yourself -- you need time to recover emotionally and that may detract from your energy for awhile.